


undefined

by bangtan_style



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Band Break Up, Established Relationship, M/M, light swearing idk, not in lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:44:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8584228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangtan_style/pseuds/bangtan_style
Summary: they are limitless - endless - but without anything keeping them together. no one said they have any time left, but no one said it ran out either.(or: infinite disbands and sunggyu takes it badly.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is what happens when you spend several hours thinking way too hard about "a person like me." i got so upset writing this, i swear... oh, and everybody's heard shinee's "tell me what to do," right? :)
> 
> yep another disbandment fic you never needed or asked for. cw/tw for depression

part i.

It's probably the end.

Well. It  _is_ the end.

The announcement is hardly news.

Especially cruel netizens throw their two cents in, comments all variants of "it's about time Infinite split up," "with their group name, they were practically asking for it," "they only had one or two good members anyway," and "I thought they broke up a couple years ago?" - written as if they didn't care who read them.

Like they didn't care if the members read them. (Ex-members.)

(And of course they did. One by one, it broke them down.

Dongwoo. Woohyun. The ones who cry the easiest cried first. Myungsoo. They also stopped first. They always did know best how to comfort each other.

Hoya and Sungjong, who put more of their bodies and souls into this than most will ever know.

It hits Sungyeol late, a delayed reaction that leaves him gasping, bent over. One of the members grabs him. Holds him. It's not Sunggyu. Sunggyu can't even look at him, or any of them.)

Moving day is still worse - far worse - than the day the company tells them they no longer have a place in their world.

He's the last to leave the dorms; everyone else is headed home, wherever that is. He wouldn't know. Sitting alone on the floor - he's never seen it this bare or clean - it occurs to him that it's his fault. ( _He pushed too hard, and not enough, he wasn't good enough, he failed them-_ )

Woohyun stays the longest, attached to Sunggyu's side. Makes it pretty hard to move but for once Sunggyu isn't complaining.

Woohyun tells him it's okay, it gives them all more chances to grow as individuals, it's not the end of the world - Sunggyu stops listening to him after that, caught on  _end of the world_ because why isn't it? But Woohyun has goals, with or without Infinite, so he can rationalize it.

Sunggyu was hoping for Infinite.  _Betting on them_ , fittingly enough. He put everything into them, no matter what anyone else thinks.

And Sunggyu's the one who did this. Doesn't matter if he actually did; can't think of what went wrong. The leader, though, is supposed to keep them together.

Went well.

He's pushed Woohyun to the door, told him his mom misses him, and said he'll miss the bus if he stays longer.

"We haven't talked about this yet," Woohyun whines. (He's not whining. It just distracts Sunggyu from the look on his face if he pretends he is.)

"There's time," Sunggyu promises.

(Sunggyu promised them time before. When they were all just kids - and they were, though  _some_ of them thought they were all grown up - and he said he'd be leader because obviously he's going to be the leader. Or something. He's forgotten what he said so long ago.)

Privately, they say goodbye, and Sunggyu is well and properly alone.

 

part ii.

And maybe "we haven't talked yet" stretches into complete silence. Maybe they never speak again.

Maybe that's the last time they see each other.

New careers conflict to much - they all live in different parts of the country, sometimes even different countries entirely - deepening the distance so greatly that the last time in their living room was the last time ever. For everyone, but especially for the two everyone thought would stay together no matter what.

Glimpses on the TV are too much, too soon, though months eventually pass. Radios are turns off if a familiar voice is heard - or perhaps the volume is turned up, and they focus on the voice they haven't heard in so long, and the rest of the day is spent in silence. No music can distract from the memories resurfacing, and no words can be said.

Unless they're brave, or foolish, the members stay in the dark about each other.

(Sunggyu sometimes gets asks to do interviews, and, stupidly, he goes. Throws on something clean and shows up five minutes early. Someone asks if the members still keep in contact. He says he doesn't know; they might, he doesn't. The interviewer wonders aloud if he hates them. A controversial question, one that makes Sunggyu, still numb from it weeks later, wonder why he's here, why he agreed to be interviewed. He thinks he tells the interviewer that it's the opposite - they were everything. He loved them with everything he had. He doesn't remember what time he went hom that day.)

He sees Myungsoo on social media sometimes (when he can bring himself to open it up, anyway. Sunggyu's last Instagram posts was weeks ago; for Twitter it was even longer.) He still posts mostly nature pictures and selfies, but his cat is making more and more appearances. He's left all of his old pictures with the members - the black and white candids, the selfies with Dongwoo or Sungyeol and whoever else. Sunggyu's eyes blur as he's scrolling down the page. It occurs to him that these were just the  _public_ ones. He knows they took more. He was  _in_ more than that.

He wonders if the old pictures got deleted from their phones. If these remaining pictures are superficial memories now. (He doesn't look at his own camera roll anymore. He used to do it every day - seeing which member stole his phone that day and took selfies. Usually Woohyun, which is why he never changed his passcode. Sungjong and Hoya once took the  _sweetest_ selfie together on his phone- and his breath catches on the memory. Push it away.)

Sungyeol is finally getting all the roles he wants. (Sunggyu knows because he remembers seeing ads for the shows he's  _starring, finally_ in.) He's got the time to improve his skills and gain fame for  _them_ , like he always wanted in the first place, rather than for being in an idol group. He must be happy, Sunggyu thinks. He hopes he is. Even if Sunggyu is worse off now, even if he can't make  _himself_ move on, he wants (needs) the others to. So it was worth it. (It still sounds selfish.)

Hoya gets his dance crew back, or maybe he gets a new one. Sunggyu's never met them and never will. But he knows he's posting videos online - he found them on accident, promise - and he's nothing but proud. Overwhelmingly proud. He always knew he'd be fine.

Strangely enough, Dongwoo starts a talk show. Or maybe not stange; Sunggyu vaguely recalls him mentioning wanting to do that, a long time ago. And that guy can talk and talk and talk, so maybe even less odd, but some of the things he says... are. Sunggyu sure hopes he's happy, too. He usually is. He's always been the strongest.

(One sleepless night, Sunggyu realizes the others are probably not as torn up about this as he is. One sleepless night, Sunggyu stumbles out of his bed, his house, his street and finds a bar, finds his way to the bottom of a glass, many glasses, and forgets until the next day when he wakes up and he's still not at home.)

Sungjong is probably doing whatever a maknae's gotta do - except he's not their maknae anymore, there is no "they" anymore, and he might not be anyone's. He could be senior to whoever he hangs out with these days, or somewhere in the middle, but Sunggyu doesn't know who that might be, doesn't search for him, and he doesn't search for Sunggyu, and Sunggyu wonders how many times he's gone too far. If he never took care of Sungjong ( _everyone_ ) well enough. If the reason Sungjong ( _no one_ ) doesn't want to find him, or maybe the opposite, is that Sunggyu pushed everyone away.

And... Woohyun.

He  _know_ _s_ he pushed Woohyun away. Even after Woohyun said they should talk. And tried to make him talk. And called and made every effort under the sun to not lose contact.

But Sunggyu decided, all by himself, he wants a clean break. From all of it.

Which includes Woohyun.

For some fucking reason.

He searches him on the internet, just like the others, from time to time. He gives up trying to blacklist them and now he indulges his curiosity - just enough to know they're alive. Not that he expects them to be dead, but he still worries, when his thoughts go in their direction. (They always do. He's not leader or  _whatever he used to be to Woohyun_  anymore, but he will always worry about them.)

He doesn't know if he's allowed to, the failure of a leader that he is. Being their friend... no, he's lost that too. It's his own fault, but he worries. He used to care so much.

And so he searches their names sometimes (but mostly Woohyun's) instead of attending their premieres with them, or chatting quietly over dinner or whatever meal they're having in Sunggyu's dream world that he can't seem to fucking pull himself out of.

Woohyun's latest movie is out in theaters. He's spent most of his time on film sets, or so he hears. He knows he sometimes sings for OSTs. (He sees his name pop up on Melon from time to time. He mutes his phone but streams the songs anyway. At least he's learned a thing or two about popularity.)

He also knows he's not yet stood on a stage to sing, since then. (His first album is so far his only. Sunggyu remembers the showcase as clearly as if it was yesterday, but it was... he doesn't want to do the math to know exactly how long ago.)

 All he ever wanted, though, Sunggyu thinks, was to go solo. He had been planning so many songs. He had worked on so  _many_. Woohyun himself told him it's his change for new opportunities.

He types the movie's name into the search bar. It's got some cheesy title that means nothing to him; what matters is "Starring Nam Woohyun" and the movie trailer that shows him doing something very familiar: dancing.

(He loved calling himself "dance machine," much to Hoya's chagrin.)

(He didn't even like dancing until he was forced to learn.)

"What are you doing?" Sunggyu whispers to himself. He closes out of the tab and checks movie times. Runs out to catch the next show, because he forgot to stop and think harder about what the everloving fuck he was doing.

At least he remembers to put on a disguise. Doesn't need rumors to float around if anyone recognized him... Doesn't need Woohyun to hear that he went to see his movie in public.

Which he doesn't even want to do in the first place, really.

(He goes anyway.)

The movie ends up being about a dancer (Woohyun) whose only dream is dancing. The hospital scenes are all too familiar, from years of getting check-ups and braces and watching the other members testing out their injured legs and ankles.

The thing that strikes him the most, throughout the whole movie, is how much he still looks like  _himself_. Watching the staged performances in the movie is like watching a fancam. He's playing somebody else, but the person dancing is just him.

Sunggyu doesn't dare tear his eyes away because any moment he does might be the next moment  _he_ shows up, and frankly.

Frankly.

He's been looking away for too long. Years longer than he should've, starting even before the group broke up. Before they even  _began_. So now, far too late, and utterly sorry, he drinks in the sight of him. Each second of screen time feels better than the last, but it builds up and he sinks into the seat and wipes his face.

Quietly wets his sleeves.

He leaves the theater without noticing his surroundings and goes home. He calls his mother, asks to move back home. Sure, she says. I've been waiting for you to ask.

He swallows thickly and says thanks. Packs his things up, pays to get moved back home, and spreads back out into his old room.

More years pass. His parents ask him for some grandkids. He tells them sorry and thinks about someone from a long time ago.

 

part iii.

Or... maybe something entirely different happens.

"Hyung," Woohyun says insistently, turning back around and stopping in front of Sunggyu. Changes his mind about leaving without him. "Come with me."

"Where?"

"Home!" Woohyun nudges Sunggyu's elbow. "Well, my mom's house."

Sunggyu is already picking his bag up and slinging it onto his back when he asks, "Why?"

Woohyun links their free arms together. "It'll be more fun, obviously."

"What's the real reason?"

"You know why." He smiles up at him. "You'll be too lonely without me. Look, just come with me before I kick your ass. And you know I will."

He drags him outside. The sun shoots right into their eyes and all their sunglasses are packed into boxes being delivered to their houses, and Woohyun takes a deep breath and closes his eyes and yells, uncaring, "WOW, IT SMELLS WEIRD OUTSIDE TODAY!"

Sunggyu punches his side with the hand that's closest and says, "I think that's just you."

"NOPE, IT'S CALLED FREEDOM!" Woohyun opens his eyes and squints at him. "We're not idols anymore." He pauses to unlink their arms and shake him by the shoulders, possibly emphasizing his point. "Hyung.  _We're not idols anymore_."

"People still know us," Sunggyu points out quietly.

"Yeah, but think about what we can do now. We aren't under  _contract_. You can finally shoot pornos. I might become a five-star chef." Woohyun giggles to himself. "Not sure if those two are unrelated or not."

 ..

"Nam Woohyun, you _fucking_ -" Sunggyu pulls away from him and starts stomping down the steps. Woohyun laughs again, skipping after him.

[end]

**Author's Note:**

> more people than i'll ever meet and more stars than i'll ever see and all i really wanted was you.


End file.
